


Its a Mortal Lock.

by Valariott



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Aftermath, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Closeted Mutual Feelings, Distance and Longing, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, J&J - Freeform, J2, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Post-Supernatural, Slash, Supernatural - Freeform, Supernatural RPF - Freeform, Supernatural has Concluded, padackles - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2020-07-12 17:50:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19950376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valariott/pseuds/Valariott
Summary: Its been some time since Supernatural concluded. Both Jared and Jensen are fighting their feelings. Jared's health is getting worse. Maybe its time someone said something. Maybe its time they gave in.





	1. An Invitation arrives, anguish looms.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my take on what might happen to our boys' closeted love once SPN concludes. I'm aiming at giving it a happy ending. Let's see where the boys take me.  
> I don't have any proof reading done and this is my very first Fic attempt. Please let me know if you find any errors.

Genevieve has been calling with an invitation and Daneel and the kids want to go. They want to have an as per usual Thanks giving with the Padalecki family. Jensen is torn…

It’s been almost 7 months since Supernatural concluded and Jensen has seen Jared only a handful of times in these 7 months. Last time he saw him was on the Halloween party and that’s when things had gotten bad.

During Supernatural, controlling his raging feelings for Jared was easy. They were together almost all the time, hanging out, eating, partying, and fooling around. Even when Jensen couldn’t have Jared the way his heart wanted, at least he had him in all the other meanings. Brother, friend, companion. But now? Now it was a whole new level of painful. They weren’t together all the time. They had new projects moving in opposite directions. With Jared’s Club and his own Brewery, they barely even had time to talk on the phone. Now he only got to see Jared either on Instagram or on friends & family parties. And as said, it was painful. Not having him in immediate vicinity, not knowing how his days are, how his health is, not getting to see him every day, first thing, it was all killing Jensen. Watching him from afar on those damned parties, pretending like all’s fine and there’s no distance between them was a special kind of hell. And if the Universe did give any signs, Jared’s cold behavior on the Halloween party was sign enough. Enough for Jensen to take a sub step back there.

But obviously the families cannot know all this and Jensen knows he’ll have to suck it up and go to their place because the friendship between the ladies and the kids is far too important to be compromised over his own crap.

“I mean why would you even do that? Why behave so awkward? Yeah we’re not costars anymore but we are still buddies. Why can’t you just be the way you were? Isn’t it bad enough already that we’ve been torn apart by busy routines? Why did you have to go and pretend I don’t even exist? Why Jay?”

****

Jared was freaking out. Gen had called the Ackles family for the Thanksgiving Dinner over at their house and Jared was out of his wits scared. After how he handled things at the Halloween party, he knew Jensen would be pissed and the last thing Jared wanted was to have a fight or even worse, watch a hurt Jensen. This was bad, real bad.

Jared hadn’t been his happy funny self lately, and with good reason. Things have been really complicated after Supernatural’s conclusion. After the shoot completed and they came back to Austin, Jared was left with no further excuses to be in Jensen’s life 24/7 and ever since that, he had been observing the distance slowly increase between them. Sure they were busy, sure they didn’t need to hang out EVERY single day but things had been worse than he thought they’d be. The wedge seemed to be growing with time and that was taking a toll on Jared. He thought staying with Jensen and hiding his feelings was hard, turns out being away and stewing in them was harder. It’s not like he was doing it on purpose and from the look on Jensen’s face at the Halloween party, he wasn’t doing it on purpose either but somehow the distance between them was increasing and that was killing Jared.

“I’m so sorry Jens. I didn’t wanna be a dick. I was not pushing you away. I just didn’t know what to do...”


	2. Hearts against Minds.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The universe intervenes and both the boys' plans go to waste. The joy of seeing each other again is far too strong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The details are making the story go a little slower than i expected. but I feel like I have to tell it at this pace now. hang in there with me guys. I'm so sorry for all the angst. but that's just how our boys are.

“Okay. I can do this. I’ll just behave like nothing happened and maybe things will go back to normal. I don’t need to give him an intervention. It was just a one-time thing. I don’t have to be mad at him. Right?”

“Ah Jensen, there you are. What are you mumbling about and why are you not coming inside?” Daneel asked from behind shaking Jensen out of his thoughts.

“Yeah, nothing. Just gimme a sec. You guys go ahead.” Jensen was sweating like a pig but he had to pull it together and go inside or questions will pile up.

Jensen walked it, butterflies dying of dread in his stomach but demeanor as calm as a cucumber, classic Jensen. He saw Gen heading towards him, waving and smiling.

“Hey Jensen. So glad you could make it. Dani said you almost couldn’t. Jared’s gonna be thrilled. Oh sorry, where are my manners, please come in.”

Jensen smiled at her usual carefree sweetness and walked inside. The place was packed to the rafters and he couldn’t be more thankful for it. He was still greeting a few other guests, shaking hands and saying quick hellos when he spotted him, Jared! There he was, across the room near the balcony door. His eyes landed on Jared’s face and it was like he was cold for ages and the Sun just came up.

***

Jared couldn’t shake this nervous feeling that today’s going to go bad. Like, more than usual bad. He could feel his dark glasses intensifying and he couldn’t decide if seeing Jensen would help or just make it worse. Not that he had a choice. It was almost time and the guests would start coming in any minute now. He just hoped that the Ackles family would show up a little late so there are people in the house to hide behind.

The house was filling up. Almost everyone was here. Kids running around everywhere, the house smelling of turkey, a beautiful setting sun outside, the evening was all in all glorious. But there was this un-scratch able itch at the back of Jared’s mind. His mind and heart were at constant war. The heart wants to see Jensen like life depended on it (which maybe it does) and the mind keeps insisting on damage control (why opt for pain deliberately). It was like those little red and white angels on each shoulder, continuously stating their case and Jared was going nuts. Not to mention he had guests to entertain and small talk to make.

Amidst all this train wreck of feelings, Jared suddenly felt eyes on him. Eyes he was so lovingly and achingly familiar with. He looked up just in time to meet those eyes and in that very moment, the angel in white finally won the case. Jensen was here.

***

Just when Jensen’s eyes reached Jared’s face, almost like some cosmic connection, Jared looked up. That sudden eye contact threw Jensen entirely off the game plan he had. All caution and containment went to crap and a smile as powerful as a photon blast broke on his face. Before he knew, he was pushing through people, lunging towards the further end of the room. He had to see Jared. This felt like one of those rare Dean/Sam hug moments. Like Sam just came back from hell and Dean just HAS to hold him.

***

Before Jared could register how guiltily satisfying it was to see that face again, Jensen started smiling, and oh God that smile. Jared knew his mind and its damage control policies had no chance against that smile. Those fan-fiction green eyes that could put the priciest gems in the world to shame, those crinkles pulling at the corners of said eyes, those plush pink lips that made celibates squirm a little, and those warm vibes that made men and women alike go crazy. They made Jared feel like the most important person on the planet. Like the whole room could be packed with people and still, him and Jensen were the only people there.

He was still busy relishing that smile and came out of the trance it induced only when Jensen started to move. Wait. Not just move, Jensen was making his way directly towards him.

“Crap. Crap crap crap. He’s going to beat the Holy hell out of me. No he won’t, look at that smile. He’s so glad to see me. I can’t chicken out now. I can’t do that to him again. I have to man up. We’re bros. We always have been. I can do this.”

Jared made up his mind not to re-create the Halloween fiasco and suck it up for Jensen’s sake. What he didn’t know was that his face was telling a whole new story. While his mind was prepping to set things right and back in order, his heart was busy controlling his face muscles and sending one laser focused message: _What I’d give to wake up to this smile._

***

Jensen was still making his way towards Jared. He underestimated the amount of people there were between them and how many quick handshakes and hellos he needed in order to get to Jared. But he was being pulled by a force beyond this world; all he knew is that he just had to get to him. There was something about the way Jared was looking at him. Something that was new. Something Jensen thought only he felt. Dare he say it, something like longing? Something like love, his kind of love..


	3. Unexpected Reconciliations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neither Jared nor Jensen wanted to bring Halloween up. The universe had other plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the appreciation. I DID NOT think my first fic would draw such satisfactory results.  
> Still taking a slow but steady approach. Hang in there with me.

“Hi Jay.”

That’s all Jensen could manage word-wise before wrapping Jared up in a bear hug. Arms around his shoulders, pulling him down a bit, just like he had done all those times before, as Dean.

Jared let out an ooof and then Jensen felt arms wrapping around his back. He could feel Jared’s stiff demeanor melting away and getting replaced by ease and dependence, as always.

It’s like they knew what the other had said and then didn’t, wanted to say but wouldn’t, needed to say but couldn’t.

“Hi Jens, I missed you too.”

***

“So, you signaled me out here cuz you wanted to Dean-hug me? You could have hugged me in the living room, you didn’t really need to detour mid-way to the patio like a friggin’ Looney Toons character.”

Jensen loved the light hint of suppressed laughter in Jared’s voice. Enough to not even get offended on being called a cartoon. He couldn’t risk hugging Jared in the living room. With how love struck he was lately, someone would have seen the look of his face and put two and two together.

“Yeah well, what’s done is done. Deal with it Samantha!”

“Really? Samantha? Can’t you come up with a new chick name? I’m not Sam anymore remember?”

“Yeah I remember, how can I forget.” Jensen kicked himself for not hiding the sourness in his tone.

“Hey hey. I didn’t mean it like that. We’re still buddies, same as always.” Why the fuck did he say it. Jensen looks so genuinely hurt. Jared hated his idiocy for saying that and then even more for his half-assed attempt at fixing it.

“Sure didn’t look like it back at Halloween.” Shit. Shit. Shit. Jensen cringed at the sudden spill. Wasn’t the plan to not create an intervention? SHIT!!

Jared looked like someone punched the air out of his lungs and Jensen instantly hated himself for bringing this up. Jared stood there, avoiding Jensen’s eyes, not saying a single word. It had been like just a second or maybe two but Jensen already felt his ears explode with the silence. He had to cover this up.

“No no, hey, Jay, look at me. Stop. Stop thinking, stop guilt tripping. It’s all over your face man. Just stop that, please.” Jensen could kill himself right now for putting that look on his beloved’s face.

“Will you please say something? It just slipped my mouth like all the other stupid stuff I say. I swear it meant nothing.”

“Well it should Jen. I did do it. I gave you the cold shoulder and you didn’t do anything to deserve it. I’m not guilt tripping for nothing. I’m really sorry man. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Jensen was just standing there, listening to Jared rant about how sorry he was. It was getting harder and harder for Jensen to fight the urge to just grab Jared and kiss him. To kiss all that sorrow and all that visible guilt out of him. To kiss him to the point of breathlessness and then some. God, it was getting harder and harder to work around this love.

“It’s okay man. Come on. It’s nothing. Yeah I was a little troubled about it but it’s nothing that serious. It’s just that with Supernatural shoots not being part of our lives, we’re already in different places. I just don’t want us to drift apart. I can’t have that. Your sappy ass is way too special. You feel me?” Real smooth Ackles, sappy ASS is special? Why don’t you just take him here and now and spare everyone the unease, Jensen cursed himself.

“Yes. I mean yeah. No distance, no drifting. I can’t have that either. It won’t happen again.” Jared said, a little too anxiously for his liking. But it was true. He couldn’t have that, not even at gunpoint.

“Great. I mean this is funny. I never wanted to discuss this and here we are, having a full blown chick-flick moment. Maybe I should find a new chick-name for you.”

“Yeah sure. Whatever Jerk.”

Jensen laughed his patented laugh as they started walking back into the living room to join the other guests.

“Bitch.”


	4. When it comes to you..

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys let a little of their secret feelings spill. Problem is, there are people around.

Jared was ecstatic. Contrary to his own gut feeling, the day was turning out to be awesome. He and Jensen cleared the misunderstanding; he got to hug him (which was THE BEST thing that happened to him this festive season) and now Jensen was sitting right in front of him on the dinner table, eating and laughing, being his gorgeous playful self. Jared had a lot to be thankful for, this Thanksgiving.

Jensen looked up and saw Jared staring at him from across the table. He seemed to be thinking something and smiling to himself. As beautiful a sight as it was, Jensen couldn’t resist the urge to mess with him. Gears turned in his head and before he knew it, he had skillfully removed his left shoe without even flinching a single upper body muscle was brushing his foot up Jared’s right leg (which he was sure was Jared’s cux how could he not). The result was epic! Jared jumped to the sudden sensation and almost spilled the wine he was holding. It took him a second to realize it was Jensen. When their eyes locked and Jared gave him his Sam-Bitch-Face (predictable), Jensen up-ed the game and made a kissy face at him. As soon as he did that though, he felt the intensity of what he just did. WTF! He not only just played footsies with Jared, he made a kissy face at him, in public! Now on conventions and stuff, they’re used to this sort of behavior but here, for some twisted reason, this felt like such a couples’ thing and the deep crimson blush on Jared’s face didn’t make it any easier. Jensen felt like he just let his dark secret leak, at least a drop or two, and he immediately regretted it. But before Jensen could even think of doing something to distract himself or fix the situation, Jared stood up and excused himself from the table.

“What the hell just happened?”

***

Jared’s mind was numb. He had just excused himself from the dinner and was currently splashing ice cold water on his face in the rest room. He couldn’t process what just happened. The last thing he remembers clearly is thinking how gorgeous Jensen looked when he was all playful and carefree. After that, well, he got jolted out of his admiration trance by something snaking up his leg. A touch he was so familiar with, Jensen’s touch. He felt Jensen’s foot sneaking up his leg. It took him a while to register what he was feeling and once he did, oh my Chuck! Jared remembers he had to force his mind out of the fireworks that erupted in there and had to focus on the fact that he was on a damn dinner table surrounded by friends and family. Friends and family that didn’t know Jared’s little secret. He remembers he had to forcibly snap out of it before his genitalia joined the party and things really get out of hand. So he did the only thing he could do; think Jensen was Dean and do what Sam would have done. Bitch Face. Yes!

“But no. How can Jensen let me off the hook with that? The asshole blew a kiss. A Friggin KISS! Thank heavens for the distraction of all those people or I sure was caught today. Caught with a bulge in my pants. Given by my ‘friend’ who happens to be married, when I happen to be married too. Awesome.”

Jared’s head was spinning. His blood seemed to have made a beeline to his man parts and he had a dinner to get back to. But that was not the only issue. The bigger issue was facing Jensen after this. Jared knew that Jensen did this as a joke, like so many other times in the past, and he expects it to be okay. But what he doesn’t know is that Jared’s not okay. Jared feels like kicking himself for turning a little joke into all this drama in his head, Jensen doesn’t deserve this. It’s Halloween all over again. He washes his face again and utters under his breath.

“What the hell just happened?”

***

Jared heard a knock.

“Coming.” He said on instinct.

“Jare open up, it’s me.”

Holy crap. Jensen!

“Yeah man, gimme a minute.” Fuck. Fuck. What do I do now? Why is he here? Of course he’s here; he cares for me, he had to come after me. Is my erection gone yet? Did he see it when I was leaving? What the fuck do I do now?

“Jay, open the door or I’m going Winchester on it.”

Jared was fascinated by how Jensen could keep his voice calm and soothing even while threatening to kill you and your cat.

“Yeah okay. Can’t a man tinkle in peace anymore?” Jared did the best he could to steal some of Jensen’s Zen nature while he walked out the restroom door.

“You left the table and I got worried. And who the hell takes half an hour to tinkle anyways?” Jensen slapped Jared’s shoulder. God only knew how relieved he was to see Jared was okay and hadn’t caught on to Jensen and his perverted desires.

“Yeah well, I had a lot of wine and you know how small my bladder is.” Jared sighed on the inside. He hated lying to Jensen.

“Yeah. You’re a wonder of the world. A sasquatch who has a kitten’s bladder.” Jensen said, walking back towards the dining room.

“Hey Jen, why’d you get worried? It’s not the first time I’ve excused myself from a gathering.” Jared said, reaching and grabbing Jensen’s forearm from behind, stopping him from entering the dining room.

“It’s nothing. I just felt you needed me. Maybe me and Dean are not so different when it comes to you.” It was Jensen’s turn to sigh on the inside, if only he could tell Jared the truth.

Jared felt his heart swell. He felt like melting into Jensen’s arms and letting himself absorb in this man’s heart. The only response he could come up with though, without breaking into sobs, was a smile. So he looked Jensen in the eyes and gave him the warmest most thankful smile he could muster. Jensen, as always, took the hint.

They walked into the dining room. Jared never let go of Jensen’s arm and Jensen never asked him to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we're getting somewhere. :D  
> I have a feeling its not long before the boys lead me into a confession.  
> Thank you for such amazing feedback. I'm so happy you guys are enjoying reading because I sure as hell am enjoying writing.  
> Hang in there for more.  
> You can reach me on Tumblr as well: valariott


	5. Nicknames and Phone Calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genevieve makes a revelation. Jensen's fears have became real. Amidst much needed catching up, some major goof ups happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is fairly long. But I couldn't help it. This had to happen in as much detail as it could. The boys deserved it.  
> Let me know what you think. Hang in there for more. :)

Home sitting by the fire in his favorite chair, Jensen couldn’t decide if he was content or worried. The kids and Dani have already gone to bed but he couldn’t seem to bring himself to sleep just yet. Today was good. Considering how bad he thought it would be and how he almost didn’t go, today was awesome. He and Jared had cleared the air, Jared was okay, they even had some “J2 Magnetic Moments” too but it’s the revelation made at the end of the party by Genevieve that had Jensen worried right now.

“Hey Jensen, can we talk?” Gen had found Jensen in the kitchen while he was putting away some dishes he was helping move from the dinner table.

“Yeah Gen, when did you start needing permission? Shoot!”

“Well it’s about Jared and I don’t know if it’s my place to discuss this but..”

“Gen, it’s me. If there’s anyone you should discuss anything regarding Jared, it’s me.”

Jensen already had a knot in his stomach. What could have Gen suddenly so worried?

“Well, to put it plainly, I feel his dark glasses are back on. He’s being distant and lost again. To himself. And I know it’s not very obvious yet and I know he won’t admit it, but, his physical health is also going down. He’s getting weaker. Just like he was when..”

Jensen had to cut her off. He knew exactly what Gen meant and this is exactly what he feared would happen.

“When did it start Gen?”

“I can’t pinpoint it entirely, but I think I started noticing subtle things around a month after Supernatural concluded.”

***

Jared was over the moon. A bit confused too but on a whole, he felt happier than he had in months. He expected the day to be utter disaster and it turned out great. The party went great, both the ladies and the kids were beaming all day long, but most of all, Jensen and he made up. Not just made up, he got a hug out of it. Not to mention more chick flick moments in one night than they’d usually have in a whole SPN season.

“If this is the result, maybe we should have more misunderstandings.” He thought to himself and laughed.

Still lost in his thoughts, he heard his phone ring. A text message. From Jensen.

“Today was great Jay. I missed this.”

Jared could literally hear his heart sing. Not only had Jensen just admitted that he missed him, he had also called him by the nickname that made Jared’s soul melt. “Jay”. What “Sammy” was to the Supernatural fandom, “Jay” was to Jared. Jensen had coined this for him in the early SPN days and Jared had loved it ever since. He always felt it had a certain exclusivity to it since Jensen never called him by it in public. And Jared had never asked him why.

He hit reply, thought for a moment and decided against a textual response.

***

Jensen still had his phone in his hand; he had just texted Jared and was just about to get lost in his thoughts again when his phone suddenly vibrated. Jared was calling.

“Hey. You’re up.” He said nervously. Why the fuck is he nervous, he thought.

“Oh hi. Yeah I was just unwinding. Oh God I’m so sorry, did I wake you up? Please tell me I didn’t wake you up. Did I disturb Dani too? I’m such an..”

“Shut up for a second Jay. Catch your breath. You know I can only answer if you stop talking first.” Jensen couldn’t help the giggle that escaped, he loved Jared’s babbling.

“Yeah sorry. Answer.”

“I wasn’t asleep. How could I have texted a minute ago if I were sleeping Jay?”

“Oh right. I might have forgotten that little detail. Why are you still up though? No early start tomorrow?” Jared’s palms felt sweaty. Why is he nervous, it’s just Jensen.

“Yeah no. Not really. Also, today was quite eventful so I was unwinding like you too.”

Jensen felt so proud of himself for deciding to text Jared. This is already the longest telephonic conversation they had in months and he planned on extending it a lot more.

“So your text, I thought about a reply but then I thought maybe I’d say it over a phone call. It was great Jen, I missed this too. I mean us. I thought today would be hell. You’d be pissed, probably tear me a new one or just return the favor and ignore me but none of that happened. I’m so thankful for your Dean instincts.”

Jared felt so proud of himself for calling. This was awesome. He felt lighter than a feather. Like he was back to the Vancouver days.

Jensen loved being called Jen. But only by Jared. He knew if anyone else EVER called him by that name, he’d slap them silly. But not Jared. Jared could call him Nancy and he’d still love it. But never admit it. OBVIOUSLY.

“Well there were a few of those ideas in my mind. But then I saw you and the rest kind’a happened on its own. I can’t believe how sappy I just sounded.” Jensen was having a major WTF moment but he’d be damned if he let that spoil this conversation.

“Dude sappy has been kind’a the theme for today. We’ve been so touchy feely, I can’t believe it’s us.”

Jared made sure he sounded casual so he didn’t freak Jensen out but inside, he was on top of the world with all the earnest confessions Jensen was making.

“Yeah maybe don’t go ignoring me next time then. And I know you can’t see it, but I’m giving you one of those annoyed emoji looks right now.”

“I’m sorry Jen. I’d never do that on purpose. You know that. I don’t know what got into me and..”

“Shh it’s okay Jay. Forget about it. I didn’t plan on even bringing it up. I was just gonna let it slide since I knew it didn’t matter because you’d never do that on purpose but I’m telling you man. This new sappy side is relentless. One chick flick moment over another.”

Jensen knew Jared was over thinking and he knew he had to stop that. And it worked. He heard the sound of Jared laughing and felt like his lungs just got filled with greenfield-fresh air.

“Hah yeah. But you know what, I could get used to this. I really like it Jen.”

Oh boy! Did he just say that? Here comes another annoyed emoji face from Jensen. Smooth move Padalecki.

“Anything for you man.” Jensen coolly responded.

“Wait wait.. What? You let THAT one pass? Who are you and what have you done to Jensen? Am I dreaming? Did I fall asleep and all this is a dream sequence?” Jared was both amused and relieved. Also he couldn’t help but laugh.

“I told you. Sappy. Relentless.” Jensen replied during laughs.

“No but seriously Jay. I mean it. Anything. I’m so happy all this sap happened. And I’m even happier you called. Today has been an awesome Thanksgiving. I love….. this.”

Shit! Fuck! Jensen couldn’t believe what he almost said…

Jared’s breath got caught in his throat. Did he hear right? What did Jensen just say? Or almost say?

Jensen knew he had to cover this up and fast. He could literally hear Jared’s overthinking gears start to turn again.

“And speaking of it, I also wanted to ask you something. I was thinking we should hang out. Drink, talk, maybe some concert, or just sit like we used to after a tough day of shoot. You know, you and me. Like old times. Whad’ya say? You in?”

Thank goodness Jensen had already decided to ask Jared for this earlier. This way, he’ll get to hang out with him and asking this right now, will probably cause a distraction enough to save his ass from the almost blunder he had just made.

“Yes! God yes. I’d been meaning to ask myself but always chickened out. Let’s do that soon.”

Jared kicked himself for how immediately almost desperately he had said yes to Jensen’s offer but he’ll take it. He’ll shamelessly take any contact he gets with Jensen and besides, a hang-out would be a great idea to grill Jensen about what he just almost said. Could there be something? Or was Jared just thinking wishfull? Either way he had to find out.


	6. Close Proximities and Intimate Moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The much awaited hangout finally happens. Things escalate.

“Okay Dan, I understand. I promise, the house WILL NOT be on fire when you get back. You and the kids have fun now. Stop worrying about me.” Jensen laughed and hung up.

It was Saturday Morning, the kids and Daneel had gone to visit her parents and wouldn’t be back till Sunday. That meant Jensen had the house to himself, which meant Daneel was worried there won’t be any house left standing when she got back, hence the phone calls. Jensen scrolled through his contacts and hit ‘Jared’.

“So we on for today? House to myself, gotta take advantage.”

“Hello to you too Asshat. And yes we’re on. I’ll be there 6 ish. Sounds good?”

“Yeah yeah, Hello princess. Okay great. I’ll stock the bear then. See ya.”

***

Jensen saw the perfect opening to hang with Jared when Dani said she wanted to go to her parents’ place for the weekend. Not that Jensen couldn’t hang out with Jared any place else but for this one time, he wanted it to be just the two of them in a non-mainstream place. As in a house, no waiters, no friends, no people with cameras. He wanted to talk to Jared one on one, about how it has been after the shoot concluded and probably get him to open up about the dark glasses being back. And luckily, Jared was available.

“I hope everything goes as planned.” He thought to himself while he set up the TV for the game they were gonna watch.

Jared’s insides had been doing happy somersaults ever since Jensen called and asked him to come over. Only the idea of meeting up was exciting enough, let alone meeting up at Jensen’s while no one else was around. Now that was epic. Jared had said yes without any second thought since he knew even if he had any plans for that specific time, they were already cancelled.

“I hope everything goes as planned.” He thought and smiled.

***

“Hey there Sammy.” Jensen felt elated just looking at him as he answered the door.

“Didn’t think the invite was for Sam and not me.” Jared fake pouted.

“I thought since we’re revisiting the good old days, why not do it right.” He said while Jared made his way in and flopped down on the couch.

“Yeah that’s cool. But I’m kind’a more interested in my suddenly earnest and emotional costar.” Could have formed the words better, Jared thought and winced.

“Really? Who’s that? I didn’t think that “that Chad” was earnest and emotional.” Jensen teased.

“Ha ha funny. Remind me to ask you why exactly you hate him later. For now, let’s focus on the actual costar I meant. A certain green eyed Greek God, as the fans would say.” Jared felt light as a feather as he saw Jensen throw his head back and laugh.

Between Jared’s sheer presence and then that fake sensual accent, Jensen felt so happy he legit thought he was high.

“Okay so I’m earnest and emotional now? This is what I get for being nice? I thought chicks like you liked that crap.” Jensen said between laughs while handing Jared a bear.

“Well yeah. When else have you said you missed me? I mean I know you do but saying is another thing. And I’m not being skeptical at all, I love your newly developed hormonal side.” Jared snickered and Jensen couldn’t help punch him in the shoulder.

This was great. Light conversation, beer, no interruptions. Totally great.

***

The game completed and after they were done celebrating both happy men flopped down on the couch, happy with exhaustion. None of them remembered clocks were ever invented. Between the game and the beers and the banter, neither man felt like checking the time.

“This was awesome Jen! It’s been months since I let go like this.”

“Yeah about that. I meant to ask Jay, how have you been since, you know..”

Jensen had to ask and Jared just gave him an opening. He hated to change the happy tone of events but he had to make sure his boy was okay.

“I know. And as much as I want to deflect or lie, I have to admit, it hasn’t been good. I’ve had trouble handling the change. And I’m not just talking about the change in schedule and job status, I mean the change in mood, the change in frequency of access, the change in… company.”

Jared didn’t want to say all this but for some reason, he didn’t feel like lying to Jensen right now. Something about the moment, he felt like saying everything. Every unsaid word, every suppressed pain, every agony, every fear, everything.

Jensen felt gutted at how anguished Jared’s expressions were. It took everything he had to not reach and just kiss Jared. Kiss him till all his pain dissipates.

“I’m so sorry Jay. I should have stayed more available. I should have been there for you. I know how bad this transition is. God knows how hard it’s been for me, I can only imagine how it must have been for you.”

It was like his hand had a life of its own. Before he could even think, his fingers were grazing Jared’s hand… Jensen was petrified. He felt air leave his lungs and his brain short circuit. But in the very next instant, something equally breath taking happened. Jared held his hand!

Jared looked up and their gaze locked. Even with their lack of personal space preferences, this felt different. This felt intense, vulnerable, raw.

“It’s okay Jen. You’re here. I’m okay now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is becoming a painfully slow story. I'm so sorry for that folks. But I;m kind'a preferring this pace over a quick finish. :D


	7. Drinks and Door Bells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanging out came naturally to the boys. But sometimes things take unexpected turns.. or pauses..

Both Jared and Jensen had spent pretty much the entire night talking. Jared had had one too many beers and was being his happy-drunk self when Jensen decided to call Gen and inform that Jared will be back in the morning when he had sobered up. Then, Jensen had put Jared to bed in his guest room and was currently sitting by the bedside watching Jared snore. Yeah, Jared snored, and Jensen couldn’t think of any more relaxing sound even if he thought really really hard. No white noise could compare to Jared’s snoring.

“I’m hopeless.” Jensen thought to himself.

Starting to get up, he heard Jared murmur something in his sleep. He got in closer to make out the words and almost stumbled over when he heard them.

“Don’t go Jen. Not yet..”

***

Jensen woke up to the smell of Bacon. The smell was the first thing that his sleep-hazy brain registered, an excruciating pain in the side of his neck being the second.

“Son of a..”

“Yeah that’s what you get when you spend a whole night sleeping in a CHAIR! What were you thinking Ackles?”

“Good Morning to you too Jay-Bird. I see you’ve found your sobriety AND your whining back?”

Jensen hadn’t planned on falling asleep in the chair but after Jared’s plea, how could he have left? The sleeping choices were either the chair or the bed and since the bed was occupied by Jared and Jensen couldn’t just climb in, no matter how much he wanted to, chair it was.

“Stop rubbing your neck, it’ll only hurt more. Why’d you sleep in the chair? Did your house magically run out of rooms?”

Jared had woken up sour and sweaty, not to mention the epic headache he could feel. He could remember drinking and talking to Jensen but he didn’t remember falling asleep in Jensen’s guest room and before he could think any harder about it, his eyes landed on Jensen. Sleeping all bundled up on a chair by his side. He couldn’t decide if he was more shocked or delighted. Jensen had stayed by his side all night long and he hadn’t even been sick!

“Is that Bacon? You made breakfast? Is my house okay ‘cause Dani already thinks I’ll burn the place down!”

“Yes I made breakfast, not the first time, or have you forgotten?”

“Mmmhh that’s heaven. What’s better than coffee in bed? That’s right, coffee AND bacon in bed!”

Jared handed the food tray to Jensen and sat down facing him on the bed. Jensen was busy enjoying bacon, one thing he and Dean had in common, and Jared couldn’t help but revel in the fact of just how beautiful Jensen looked when he was himself.

Once completely woken and done gushing over the fact that Jensen slept by his side, it registered to Jared that Jensen had spent an entire night in a chair and would not be waking up a very happy camper. He immediately decided to fix him his favorite breakfast so the blow of a bad neck softens a bit. Also, Jared could use the coffee too, his head was killing him.

“This isn’t technically “Bed” you know. As I said, what were you thinking? Why didn’t you move to your room? I was already out for the night, why’d you stay?”

Jared didn’t entirely feel confident he wanted the question answered, but he had to ask.

“Cause I felt like it. Liked the company. Didn’t wanna go sleep all the way over there. And besides, who’d catch you if you fell?”

Jensen wanted to tell the truth, his heart ached to. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t risk changing Jared’s relaxed mood. So he told him the nearest truth, he did want to stay and he didn’t wanna be alone when Jared was in the same house.

“That was the nicest thing you’ve ever said to be, until the last bit that is. I fell one time. One time. And you labeled me a fall-out-of-bed-kid.

Jared couldn’t contain his joy. He wanted to jump over and hug Jensen. Maybe kiss him too. But that’s what he couldn’t risk. He couldn’t risk anything that could close Jensen off. He was showing emotion with such ease and Jared was loving every bit of it. He was finally allowing himself to believe in the chance that they indeed have something. Something more that is.

Jared was still in his mind when he heard his phone ring.

“Crap its Gen. She’s gonna kill me.”

Jensen looked up and started to explain but decided to let it go with its own flow.

“Hi Gen. I’m so sorry honey I know I was supposed to be home and.. wait what? You knew? Oh. Alright. Yeah yeah I’m fine. Just woke up, could use a few asprins though. Yeah, I’ll come home in a while. Just gotta straighten up a bit. Yeah. Love you too, Bye.”

Jared cut the call and saw Jensen laughing.

“You looked so confused. It’s hilarious.” He said between laughs.

“Dude you could have told me. Gen must think I drank so much I forgot that we informed her.” Jared said, exasperated.

“If I told you, how would I have witnessed this adorable confusion?” Jensen bit his tongue as soon as the words left his mouth. Crap! What the fuck did he just say?

Jared couldn’t help his dropping jaw. Adorable? Did he hear right? Thank every God in the universe his brain worked enough to decide not to make this moment awkward and keep it the way it was going.

“Yeah thanks to your love for me looking like a total idiot, my wife now thinks I’m a hopeless drunk!” Jared said, paired with his patented dimpled smile. And it worked. Jensen laughed even harder.

Jensen was still busy worrying about how Jared would react when Jared started flashing his dimpled smile and seemed to have missed Jensen’s slip–up entirely. Jensen threw his hed and laughed, more with relief than anything else. He was safe.

“Well half of that is true.”

Silence. Both men looking at each other with remnants of laughter on their faces. There was something between them, a feeling of knowing, understand, an unsaid confession, almost daring the other to make a move.

And then a door bell! A door bell and the moment was gone. Just like that.

Both men looked away almost simultaneously, Jared said a hurried goodbye and headed for the door, Jensen in pursuit to kill whoever was at the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are liking the story so far.  
> Who knows, a full blown confession might be right around the corner. :D   
> Follow me on Tumblr: Valariott


	8. Unsent Responses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That's the thing about slip-ups and almost-confessions. They have aftermaths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story is in its final quarter ya'll. I can certainly say this is the 2nd-last or at most the 3rd-last chapter. I have the rest of the story ready as well, will be finalizing and uploading soon.  
> Hang in there peeps. Happy Holidays & Happy Reading.

Jared was sitting in his favorite chair by the fire, phone in his hand, still starring at the text message he received about an hour ago.

 **Jen(sen):** **Yesterday was perfect. I had a great time. We should do this more often man.**

It was a simple text with a million possibilities of a perfectly acceptable response. Yet, Jared’s mind couldn’t decide on what to write. It’s true that the day was perfect, how it concluded was what had Jared so fidgety. The whole scene from the morning flashed by his eyes for what felt like a thousandth time. He and Jensen standing face to face, so close, so happy. If the bell hadn’t rang, Jared was sure he was going to grab Jensen by the shoulders, pull him to himself (like he did in all those SPN Hugs) and kiss him into next year. At least.

Now as appealing as that idea was at that time, right now, even remembering it made him shudder. How could he even think of involving Jensen into this? This was, and has always been, Jared’s own personal cross to bear. How, even for a split second, could he think of exposing Jensen to his twisted secret? No. That could not happen. Jensen is straight and has a whole family. A wife, kids, a happy home. Jared could not be so selfish, he just couldn’t.

But God did it hurt..

Being so close to him, within a split second’s reach of having everything he has wanted for the last 15 years, and yet so far away..

Whoever said one-sided love was salvation, must have hit his head a little too many times. The feeling of not being able to even properly touch the man he loved for a decade and a half, this was no salvation, this was Hell..

***

Jensen had texted Jared about an hour ago and had been holding his breath ever since. Now he was thinking he may as well just drop dead because even after the said hour, Jared still hadn’t replied. Anyone else would think ‘what’s one text unanswered’ but when it came to Jared, if Jared doesn’t reply to a text (especially Jensen’s), Jensen knew something was up.

Jensen couldn’t help but think it had something to do with how the meet-up concluded. That final moment before the damn door bell rung (may the creator of doorbells die again and again for all eternity like that character Prometheus from SPN8x16). Jensen was sure he saw something in Jared’s eyes. Yes they were joking around like usual, yes it was just another playful banter, but Jensen could swear there was an underline to it. Something other than plain friendly adoration. Something that matched, dare he say it, his own feelings for his taller friend.

Could it be true? Did Jared share Jensen’s feelings? Was it mutual? How could he not have seen it earlier? These were the last thoughts Jensen had before J-Jay jumped him from behind. The kids were home.

The first thing Jensen did when he woke up the next morning was check his phone. Still no response from Jared. Something was epically wrong. Both of his friend and love alarms were blaring full volume now and he couldn’t decide what to do..

The day picked up. Family time, brewery workload, Radio Music stuff, he got busy full form. Still, every chance he got, he checked his phone for a reply, even sent another text;

**Text 2: What, hit it and quit it much?**

Nothing. Still radio silence..

***

Jared was hating himself. His hands itched to type a reply, a long earnest one, telling Jensen how amazing he is and how much Jared loved yesterday and every other thing involving Jensen and their bond, but he couldn’t. Because he knew if he did, he’d pour his heart out into it. All 15 years long of heart. He wanted to tell Jensen all of what he felt for him and that is exactly why he couldn’t reply.. He couldn’t risk Jensen knowing all this. He couldn’t destroy his world like that. So he was doing the only thing he could do. He was avoiding him..

He knew this was unfair, he knew Jensen would be freaking (since he knows Jared’s every move), he knew Jensen didn’t deserve this (especially after how open and vulnerable he had been with Jared since Thanksgiving), but Jared couldn’t help it. He couldn’t afford another situation like yesterday morning, he didn’t trust himself to be strong enough and Jensen didn’t deserve to be dragged into this mess. So Jared did what hurt him, and he knew would hurt Jensen, the most, he closed up, distanced.

He still had his phone in his hand, been staring at the second text for ages now.

“If only I could tell you Jen. If only I could show you. Hit it and quit it? You mean the whole fucking universe to me.”

He sighed and put his phone down. He couldn’t stare anymore and not cry.

***

By the end of the day, Jensen had had enough. He went out to the patio, closed the doors behind him and dialed Jared’s number.

1 Ring, 2 rings, third ring.. Here we go with holding breaths again (Jensen face-palmed).

**Jay:** Hello.

 **Jensen:** Really? Hello? Dude, where have you been? You ran out on me the other morning like you caught wind of some imaginary cooties I had and then radio silence? Have you even checked your messages? You know what, don’t answer that, ‘cause whatever answer you may have, Imma smack you anyways.

 **Jay:** Breathe Jen…. sen.

Shit. Jared knew he was doomed now.

Silence..

And then a sigh of resignation from Jensen’s side.

Jared could literally feel both his and Jensen’s heart cracking.

**Jensen:** Talk to me Jay. Is it me?

 **Jay:** No no. God no. Please don’t do that..

 **Jensen:** Then tell me what is it?

 **Jay:** Nothing. It’s nothing.

 **Jensen:** Jay you gotta..

 **Jay:** Bye Jensen.

And the line went dead.

Jensen couldn’t believe what the hell just happened. Between Jared calling him Jensen, no, Jen…. sen, and then him hanging up just like that, Jensen couldn’t decide what was more hurtful..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed. Do tell.  
> Follow me on Tumblr: valariott


	9. Tested resolves & Altered plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in posting guys. Life's been crazy and the sore throat added a bit more to it.   
> I hope the chapter is worth the wait. 9 down, 1 to go. Enjoy!

It had been a while since that disastrous phone call. Jared remembered the words and cringed. Then he recalled all the times Jensen had called him after that and he had just let it ring, every single time. If he hated himself before, he downright despised his existence now. He was sure he crushed any affection Jensen had for him with what he said then and done later.

And maybe calling Jensen from unknown numbers wasn’t exactly the healthiest ways to get his Jensen-fix but when has healthy been part of Jared’s MO anyways? He missed Jensen, sue him!

***

Jensen was in his brewery office by himself when his phone rang. Unknown number. Again.

**Jensen:** Hello?

Hello? How may I help you?

Hello?

See if you’re not gonna talk, what’s the point of calling then?

Hello?

Ah okay. I’m hanging up now. Last chance to speak up.

Okay, nice not-talking to you. B’bye.

This was probably the third silent call in the past 2 weeks. All from unknown numbers. Numbers unknown, caller not so much. Or at least that’s what Jensen thought/hoped.

The first one had taken him by surprise so he brushed that one off as a random failed call. Since his personal number was a highly kept secret with him being a public figure and all, he never really got prank/dumb calls. So when he got another one later in the same week, he got curious. A local tracing agency and an acquaintance from inside it later, he knew who the number was purchased by. And the information had not made things any easier. It was Jared. Actually it was someone from Jared’s club circuit that Jensen knew about. He just hoped he was right and not thinking too much into it.

“Great, just fucking great! He blows me off when I call him, totally cock-blocks me (figuratively) and then starts prank calling me. What the hell is going on with you Jay? Why can’t you just tell me?” Jensen had yelled, to an empty living room.

And now, third time. Jensen had no clue what to do. So he played along. Picked up the call, said random cryptic shit and cut the call. If Jared wants to stay hidden, Jensen was going to play oblivious.

“What is this, a Nicolas Sparks novel?” Jensen sighed.

***

Jared put his phone down and played the whole conversation in his mind again. He somehow had the feeling that Jensen had caught on to his little secret. No real clue dropped but Jared knew. Then again, he did know EVERTHING about Jensen so he was pretty sure his gut feeling was right and his invisibility cloak was ripped. Calling Jensen again would risk a confrontation but when had risk stopped Jared from getting what he wanted? Except in the case where he wanted Jensen, that was a risk he just couldn’t take..

A few days later, 

“So it’s been 3 days since the last call, maybe I can call him again now.” Jared mumbled to himself.

He had been pretty down today and the only thing he could think of making his mood any better was Jensen. So he let his “He’s onto me” suspicions go quiet for a while and decided to call once again. 

“Screw it, here goes.”

Dialing..

Ringing..

Answered!

**Jensen:** Hi there my anonymous friend. I see it didn’t take you your usual 5-day gap to miss me this time?

**Jared’s Insecure Mind:** He knows! DAMN IT HE KNOWS!!

1 breath, 2 breaths, 3 breaths..

**Jensen:** Okay you know what? I’ve had it. I know it’s you and if you know me as much as I know you do, you know that I know too. Please forget about these dumb numbers and pick my actual call?

Click.

Jared cut the call as if his life depended on it and then threw the phone at the further end of the room, just to be safe.

He was so screwed.

***

Jensen was furious.

He meant what he had said in the phone call, he’d had enough of it. And if he still had any doubts about if the calls were from Jared or not, they were put to rest by how fast the call disconnected once he confronted his allegedly anonymous caller. 

But since Jared was not gonna man up, Jensen knew it was up to him to make a move. And said move had to be made fast if Jensen was to keep his sanity.

“This ends tonight.” He said to himself.

***

Jared was sitting in his study, going over his Texas Ranger scripts his agent had sent him a little earlier in the week when Gen knocked and came inside.

**Gen:** Hey, you have a visitor. They’re out in the yard, some investor, said you knew they were coming?

**Jared:** Really? I might have forgotten. Typical me. I’ll go see them. Thanks hunn’.

Gen winked and left. Jared made a mental note of asking her about the wink later.

Jared couldn’t remember setting a meeting for today, that too at home. May be he was losing his mind more than he realized. It was about 8 in the evening, kids were either sleeping or about to sleep and Gen had gotten back to being busy with her blog post for tomorrow. The house was quiet.

He reached the front door, opened and the instant he saw who was out there, he literally heard his heart drop to the ground, or the front steps for that matter..

“Jensen! Hi.” 

“Jensen? Really? Not Jen…..sen this time? What the hell Jay?” Jensen had to really work hard not to yell.

Jared just stood there, head hanging, eyes on the ground. He looked up to look at Jensen while he still could and saw him crossing the floor with hurried, long steps. Great, here comes the punch.

The next thing he knew, he was being wrapped in what he knew as Jensen’s arms, shoulders being pulled down like always, with Jensen’s heart beat echoing on his ribs.

Jensen hadn’t punched/slapped/kicked him, he was hugging him..

“God Jay. I missed you man. I can’t believe how much I missed you. Is that stupid?”

Jensen hadn’t planned on hugging him, again, but he now had come to terms with the fact that plans don’t really stick when it comes to him and Jared. 

It took Jared a while to process that he was being hugged, but once it did, and with the implication that this could be potentially the last hug, Jared went all in. Arms wrapped around tight, face as close to Jensen’s neck as it could be, eyes closed shut, the whole shabang.

Jensen loved how Jared didn’t resist at all, how he just melted into the hug. So like him, totally Jared. Jensen was busy enjoying the hug (which in all honestly had gotten longer than their usual hugs by now) when he realized Jared was shaking, and sobbing…

Prying him apart just a little, Jensen started wiping his tears, trying to calm him.

“Hey hey. Talk to me man. What’s gotten you so upset? I don’t know if I have it left in me to handle you blocking me anymore. Please let me in Jay. Please tell me it’s not me, ‘cause I’m freaking out here”

Jared couldn’t stop himself. The knowledge that this could be his last hug from Jensen, he just couldn’t keep himself composed. Soon he was full blown sobbing and crying and heaving.

“No no no. It’s not you Jen. It could never be you. You’re perfect. You’re everything..”

“Then what is it? Why are you ditching me? And God please stop the tears or I’m gonna start punching walls.”

Jensen could feel his own hands start to shake a bit too, he could not have Jared looking like this, so weak, so dejected.

“I’m not ditching you. I could never. But trust me Jen, this is better. For everyone. You just have to let me go. I’m not good for you.”

Jensen was worried for the most part but now he was confused and honestly a little hurt too. He had to push Jared into giving up the real reason of his behavior, he just wasn’t sure he’d like it once he does.

“No no. No ways. You don’t get to get rid of me this easy man. We’ve been together (for the lack of a better word, but screw it) for over 15 years and it never came down to ‘better off without you’. You can’t just up and leave and not give me a reason to let you. What the hell man!”

Jared knew he had to wrap it up fast. He knew he was bordering a full blown panic attack and Jensen didn’t deserve to be handling that. He was not responsible for Jared and his twisted emotions. If only Jensen would listen and walk away now.

With every last bit of courage and resolve Jared had left, he pushed Jensen away, snatched himself out of his arms and his reach and prepared to yell.

“Why can’t you just take a hint Jensen? I’m done with you. Yeah we were friends for over 15 years but that was because we were working together. Nothing else. Maybe now I’m blocking you because I’M FUCKING DONE with you.”

Jensen took a sharp breath in at both the loss of physical contact and from what he just heard Jared say. He could not believe his ears. No no. This couldn’t be. He could not have heard right.

Taking a deep breath, he went in one more time. Grabbing a hold of both Jared’s wrists he yanked him towards himself. Jensen knew he was playing it dangerously close to letting his real feelings slip but he had to. He just had to.

“Fine you want me gone. Fine we were just another actor duo selling it for the fans. Fine its over since Supernatural is over. But can you say that looking me in the eye? Can you please look at me and tell me you want me gone?”

Jared’s eyes welled up all over again. He looked up, determined to tell Jensen off straight up. He looked straight in those green eyes that he loved more than life itself, and his resolve waivered..

“I.. No.. No I can’t. Please don’t do that to me..”

Jensen found his way in. This was it.

He yanked Jared’s wrists one more time, prepared to raise his voice over loving-whisper frequency and said,

“WHY NOT? You can block me, ignore me, tell me to go away, but can’t say it looking me in the eye? After 15 years of being joined at the hip, you owe me that. So why can’t you do it? I repeat, WHY. THE FUCK. NOT?”

“ **BECAUSE I LOVE YOU DAMN IT. I LOVE YOU!** Ever since the first sight, ever since the first word, ever since the first look into those very eyes, I’ve loved you. And no, not as an actor duo, not as a friend, I’ve loved you like the sun rises for you. I’ve worshipped the ground you walked on. The minutes you’ve been with me are the only minutes I’ve actually breathed air. Jensen you’re my whole universe. You’re my link to life itself.. And as much as it kills me to have to live without you, I know that’s the right thing to do. This isn’t your burden. I AM not your burden. You have a life, a loving wife and children, and I have no right to ruin it. And since you’re too nice to get rid of me, I have to be the one to break things off. I may have gathered the courage to do it, but I’ll die if I have to say it looking in your eyes. So no, I can’t do it. I just can’t. I just can’t..”

Jared was shaking like a leaf now. But he knew he had to bring it home. He didn’t plan on telling Jensen and burdening him with the truth but God only knows he couldn’t do what Jensen was asking of him. So he let the universe take over.

He looked at Jensen and saw shock. Jensen’s grip on his wrists had tightened and it looked like he was about to say something, which Jared decided, could not happen if he were to get out of this alive. So he cut Jensen off. He yanked his wrists out of Jensen’s hands, put a few steps between them and drove the final nail in.

“There. I said it. And now when you know what a freak I am and how much danger I pose to you and your happiness, maybe it’ll be easier for you to forget about me. Please go home Jen. You deserve better.”

With that, Jared turned around and walked inside the house, closing the door behind him. Leaving Jensen in the yard, alone confused and gasping for air.

Like the phone call. All over again..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we have it. What we all had been waiting for. :D   
> Hang in there for one last chapter. I have a feeling its gonna be a long one too. ;)   
> If you haven't already, find me on Tumblr: Valariott


	10. The Lake Spot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is it people. The final step.  
> A big thank you to all you regular readers. you bore with me throughout and made this ride even more fun than I expected it to be. I love all of you.  
> With SPN almost over, completing this Fic has been a very saddening task. I hope I don't disappoint.

  


Jensen was just standing there. Staring at the closed door between him and whatever just happened. Did he hear right? Had Jared just said what Jensen himself had wanted to say with every breath for the past fifteen years? Had the feelings been mutual all this time and he didn't even know? How could that have happened? How could Jensen have been involved in his own misery so much that he failed to notice that his beloved, the love of his life, had been going through the same if not worse? How? How? HOW?

These were the last thoughts Jensen remembered having before blacking out entirely and then somehow waking up in his own house's guestroom bed next morning.

How did he get home? Did he tell anyone on his way back about what happened? And how sure was he that last night wasn't just a dream?

All good question, with no immediate answer and a killer headache for that matter.

  


***

Jared was still in his study, sitting on the floor, back against the locked study door when he noticed sunlight coming in from the windows. Last night, after laying it all on Jensen, somehow he had made it all the way back inside the study and locked the door behind him. But that’s all he had the strength to do. He remembered crashing knees-first on the study floor and feeling like a whole mountain being dropped on his chest. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t see, couldn’t even cry. 2 words echoing in his mind, over and over again, “It’s over”..

  


***

Jensen picked up his phone for the hundredth time since morning and hit dial. Same result, phone out of coverage area.

“GOD!..” Jensen sighed.

“I’m officially worried now Jensen, would you please tell me what’s up with you today?” Daneel sat down beside Jensen, hand on his forearm.

“I’m fine.”

“Yeah I can see that. You’ve been out of it the whole day. You haven’t left the house for 2 days not that I’m complaining about it. You keep trying to call someone over and over, not to mention this look on your face like you’ve seen a ghost or something. What is up? Does it have anything to do with wherever you went the last night you were out?”

Jensen put his head back against the couch and closed his eyes.

“It’s nothing Dan. Just a creative block.”

“It’s Jared, isn’t it?”

Jensen’s eyes flung open and shot straight to Daneel. “What? Wh.. Why would you say that?”

Daneel smiled and held Jensen’s hand. “Honey I’m not blind. And you’re not that subtle either.”

“I don’t know what to tell you Dee. I don’t expect you to understand, hell I don’t understand half of it myself.” Jensen rubbed his forehead.

“I don’t know exactly what happened last night, neither am I going to make you confess something you’re not yet comfortable with telling, but I will say this; you’ve always been the best man I know. You’re the best father to our children and an even better friend to me. You’re kind, you’re fair, you’re understanding, and you’ve given up a lot to be all that. And I mean A LOT! So if the universe finds some way to give you something your heart desires, I’ll be more than happy to help you take it. I mean that’s what friends are for amiright?” Daneel play-shoved Jensen.

“I don’t know what you mean…” Jensen couldn’t believe his ears. What was happening to his life?

“I mean, I think you’ve danced around this for long enough now. And from what I’ve noticed, so has Jared. He’s not as strong as you are Jensen, he may not be able to take it anymore. Maybe it’s time you guys gave in.”

“Dani I…” Daneel squeezed Jensen’s hand while he failed to make eye contact.

“Hey, don’t stop on our account, we’re good. I’ve loved you and being with you with all this knowledge, all this time. It’s not like me or the kids will abandon you. And knowing you, I’m sure you’ll find a way to make everything work without any broken hearts. So stop beating yourself about it. And stop punishing that poor kid too.”

“But he said he wants me gone and …”

“Oh for fuck’s sake Jensen, get off your ass and go get him. When has a tantrum ever stopped you from doing what is best?”

Jensen stood up on impulse, his adrenaline rush getting out of his control.

“I should shouldn’t I? I should go talk to him.”

Jensen was almost to the door when he heard Daneel laughing behind him. She had her hand held out with what looked like Jensen’s passport in it.

“My dear love-struck husband, you’re gonna need this. I don’t think you can walk all the way to Vancouver.”

“Vancouver? He’s in Vancouver?” Jensen almost yelled.

Daneel patted the couch beside her, motioning for Jensen to come sit down.

“Yeah, Gen told me. She thought you’d need the information after you and I had this talk.” Daneel smirked.

Jensen could swear his jaw unhinged and dropped to the floor.

“WAIT.. WHAT?!! She knows too??”

Daneel put an arm around Jensen’s shoulder and whispered,

“Told you I got your back!”

  


***

  


Jared was in his trailer just about to leave for home when he saw a text pop up from an unknown number on his phone. 

**Meet me at the Lake Spot when you’re done filming. I’m waiting. Jen.**

Jared fell to his knees..

Jensen was here. In Vancouver. On the Lake Spot. THEIR Lake Spot! 

Before he knew it, before he could decide whether he should go or not, he was already in his car, driving full speed towards the lake. The one place symbolic of how deep their bond goes, how dependent they have been on each other in their down times, the place that has seen them both at their most vulnerable, picking each other up, putting each other back together. It was no surprise to Jared that Jensen chose that place to make Jared come see him. There was no way Jared was going to deny Jensen that. No matter what goes down there, no matter how much it hurts..

  


***

Their lake spot. The perfect place for what he was about to do, Jensen thought to himself. This is where their journey had begun, where they went from costars to best friends, to each other’s support systems. It was only fair that the next step in their story be taken here as well. If Jensen was to do this, their lake spot had to bear witness.

“Now we wait.” Jensen smiled.

  


***

Jared got out of his car and stood by the door, trying and failing at calming his nerves.

“You can do this. It’s just Jen.”

He started walking to where he knew Jensen would be and saw him standing in the exact spot. By the edge of the ground, facing the water.

Jared walked up to Jensen and stood beside him. Jensen didn’t turn, didn’t move, didn’t say a word.

They both just stood there. The calm familiarity washing over them. Life could just end right here and Jared wouldn’t mind..

Jared was still immersed in the moment when he felt Jensen take his hand. Not that the physical contact was new but he didn’t expect Jensen to do it after Jared’s confession the last time they had met. He stood still, scared to even blink..

Jensen was now rubbing feather circles on the back of Jared’s hand with his thumb and Jared couldn’t decide if he was dying of suffocation or breathing air for the first time in ages. Realization hit and even though he never wanted this feeling to end, he knew he had to stop. He jerked his hand only for Jensen to tighten his grip and entwine his fingers in Jared’s.

“Let me Jay. Please.”

And only then it hit Jared, Jensen’s voice was hoarse, like he’d been crying. He looked over at Jensen’s face and saw tears, streaming down..

“Hey. Hey hey hey. Jen. Look at me. Please look at me.”

Before he could understand what was happening, Jensen had his hands cupping his face and their foreheads pressed together. Jensen was sobbing and shivering.

“Please Jay. Don’t ask me to talk. Just let me show you. Let me make you feel what I want to say.”

Before Jared could respond, he felt hesitant and tear-soaked lips grazing his.

His heart stopped….

On instinct he tried to pull back a bit, to see if his mind was playing tricks on him, only to be brought back in and his lips locked in those same tear-soaked ones. Jensen’s. Jensen was kissing him…

Jensen was kissing HIM!

Any inhibition he had, any rational, logical reasoning he had, it all just melted away. He wrapped his arms around Jensen’s back and did what he wanted for fifteen long years. He kissed Jensen back…

They stood there. On their spot. Kissing for what felt like eternity and a single heartbeat at the same time.

Jared only came back from the feeling when he felt Jensen pull away little, catch his breath and then wrap him tight in a hug. Jared could feel Jensen still sobbing, his tears soaking his shoulder.

“I wish I’d have told you sooner Jay. I wish we hadn’t wasted all this time..”

Jensen said and held on tighter.

“Wait Jen. What? What do you mean?” Jared pulled out of the hug so he could look Jensen in the eyes.

“I mean I was an idiot. I mean I was an idiot to be so absorbed in hiding my own feelings that I never bothered to see you hiding yours. I mean I was an idiot to not have seen you struggle and not put it all together. I mean I was an idiot to wait fifteen years to say what I knew 15 days into meeting you. I mean I was an idiot for not coming straight up to you and tell you any sooner. I mean...”

“Tell me what Jen?” Jared cut Jensen off.

Jensen held both Jared’s hands and let his emotions pick the direction of words for him.

“Tell you that I love you. No, tell you that I’m IN LOVE with you. That I’ve been in love with you since the first time we were here on this lake. Since the first time we had an actual conversation. Tell you that I have killed myself for fifteen years hiding this from you. Tell you that no one, NO ONE has ever even come close to my heart as much as you have. Tell you that you’re the air that I breathe Jay. Tell you that I’ve been yours since the moment our worlds met. Always have been, always will be. ”

Jared could not control his own sobs and tears anymore. If it wasn’t for Jensen’s hands holding him up, he would have crashed to the ground by now.

“You mean that Jen? You’re not saying it because..” He felt Jensen’s grip on his hands tighten.

“I mean it with every atom of my being. And I know it’s been rough, and it still is going to be, but I also know for sure that you and I are done denying our feelings. We’ve waited long enough. There is no way in hell I’m letting you go even an inch away from me again. Ever!”

It was Jared’s turn to hug. He crashed into Jensen’s arms, holding on as tight as he could and sobbing as hard as his lungs would allow.

“I love you Jen. I love you. I’m sorry. I love you..”

“Shh Shh. It’s okay now. Everything is perfect. We never have to hide it again. You’re mine and I’m yours. I love you Jay.”

Jensen pulled himself back a little, wiped the tears off of Jared’s face, kissed his forehead then both his hands.

“Besides, you really didn’t think getting rid of me was that easy? Baby I’m glue. This right here between us, it’s a Mortal Lock.”

With that he locked their lips together again. He felt Jared part his lips for him and his hands tighten at his back. They stood there, breathing through each other, with each other in their arms, love and hopes of happiness in their hearts and their lake spot standing witness in the background.

  


Fin.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry guys. I know I mentioned eventual smut in the tags but the story went its own way and became so raw, so real, I just couldn't bring myself to add an out of place smut scene. i had to give it the end it demanded. Deepest apologies to anyone who got disappointed.  
> See you guys with a new one soon. Fingers crossed.  
> Feel free to give me any ideas and don't forget to follow me on Tumblr: Valariott.


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